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Wild Turkeys are Attacking Postal Workers in Ohio

Ohio’s turkeys are going postal on the poor working stiffs of the USPS. Whilst delivering debt collection notices and coupon mailers (I assume that’s all they do nowadays), multiple workers of the Rocky River, Ohio branch have found themselves in a face-off with furious fowl.

About 25 to 30 homes haven’t been able to get their mail delivered due to the aggressive turkeys creating unsafe conditions for the mail carriers throughout the region. And there’s not shit the city can do to the territorial terrors due to an ordinance protecting the local wildlife. In addition to moving delivery times into the evening hours, Mayor Pam Bobst explained to cleveland.com that postal workers are “carrying an air horn to see if that will scare off the turkeys, if that will discourage them.”

Locals are hypothesizing that the birds are being fed by the residents of these homes and are subsequently protective of their provisional domain. To put this into an interesting perspective, your Presidential elections are often ultimately determined by the patrons of turkey gangs, who have lost ties to the outside world due to an inoperative postal service.

What do you think? Should all turkeys be destroyed for being assholes? Is Ohio the worst place on Earth? Are turkey gangs a mysterious bi-product  of the Illuminati? Let us know in the comments!

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